This has been the worst day of my life so far. I don't really know what to say. I'm not good at making long elaborate well written posts to describe how I'm feeling and how it's all been for the best and it'll eventually stop hurting.
I know it will...but I don't know when and I want him now.
I had to put my dog down today. I've had him since I was three years old. He was a year old puppy and as soon as I saw him at the pound I knew I had to have, THAT dog. No other one would have satisfied me. I even chased off another family looking at him, I wanted him so badly.
He was 16 years old this year though, his eyesight was failing him, his hearing had failed him and he was losing control of his bowels. This morning while I was asleep he starting bleeding from his rectum. My dad called the vet and made an appointment. My dad thankfully woke me up so I could go with. When we got there, the vet walked in and had dad sign the euthanization (or however you spell it) papers. Then looked my dog over. She said his hips were really bad and causing him a lot of pain, he'd lost a lot of muscle tissue in his hind legs and that his heart was failing him. He was also scratching and biting himself raw even though we were giving him flea and heart medication.
So we had to put him down. It was either that or take him home and let him suffer for a few more months at best I'm guessing. I didn't even get to stay with him when they did it. Dad had us leave him there. At least I got to say goodbye.
At times today I've been perfectly fine if a little sad, other times I just want to die and am about to throw up from crying so hard. I don't know what I'm going to do. My boyfriend has helped me a lot, so has my dad.
I still just want to die.

In other news: Kumori-con is coming up next week. I hope I can at least be calmed down by then. I know I won't be over it. I am staying in the hotel this year though. A couple friends have offered space in their room to my boyfriend and I. I'm very thankful for that.
I'm not going back to school anytime soon.
I'll look for a job after Kumori-con is over.
I still don't know when my family is going to be kicked out of our house, and my grandfather has decided to move in with us.

I miss my puppy. I want him back.